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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has always been the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to find out that a prominent writer a well-known presenter owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina inspected us completely with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|